Making Sense of Inner Conflict

Many people come to counselling feeling frustrated with themselves, saying things like “I know what I should do… but I just can’t.” or “One part of me wants change, another part feels terrified.” or “I feel pulled in different directions all the time.”

If this sounds familiar you are not alone.

A gentle and effective approach I often use in counselling is Parts Work, which helps make sense of internal conflict and conflicting emotions in a compassionate and human way.

What is parts work?

Parts work is based on the idea that we all have different parts of ourselves. These parts can hold different emotions, beliefs, needs, and roles. For example, you might notice:

• a part that wants to move forward or make changes

• a part that feels anxious or wants to stay safe

• a part that criticises you

• a part that feels tired, sad, or overwhelmed

These parts didn’t appear randomly. Most developed for good reasons, often as ways of coping, protecting, or surviving at different points in life.

In parts work, we don’t try to get rid of these parts or force them to change. Instead, we become curious about them.

What does parts work look like in a counselling session?

Parts work is gentle and paced carefully. There’s no pressure to relive painful memories or “dig” before you’re ready.

In a session, we might:

• notice when different emotions or reactions show up

• gently name or describe a part (for example, “the anxious part” or “the protective part”)

• explore what that part is feeling or needing

• notice how the body responds

Often, my clients feel relief simply from realising there is a reason why they feel conflicted.

Why does parts work help?

Inner conflict can be exhausting. When different parts of us are pulling in opposite directions, it can feel like being stuck, anxious, or constantly self-critical.

Parts work helps because:

• it reduces internal battles

• it builds understanding instead of judgment

• it creates space for self-compassion

• it helps emotions feel less overwhelming

When parts feel heard and understood, they often soften. Anxiety can ease. The inner critic may become less harsh. Decisions can feel clearer and more grounded.

Rather than feeling “at war” with yourself, you begin to feel more connected and supportive towards your own inner experience.

A kinder relationship with yourself

Many people discover that the feelings they’ve been fighting against are actually trying to help, but in ways that no longer work. Parts work is about finding out what happened for a part to appear and understanding what it needs now to feel calm and safe. Once this understanding starts to develop you should feel more of an inner peace and be able to offer yourself some self-acceptance and compassion. There are no bad parts in counselling, all parts are welcome!